Reproductive Health Insider

Ultimate Sex Faq

2009-11-02T12:31:00.000-08:00

The Love Museum

2009-10-27T21:09:00.001-07:00

The Love Museum

Female Beauty Secrets

Posted: 27 Oct 2009 09:08 AM PDT

Female Beauty Secrets

Posted: 26 Oct 2009 01:32 PM PDT

Penelope Cruz Hot

2009-10-25T19:03:00.001-07:00

Penelope Cruz Hot

Posted: 25 Oct 2009 06:39 AM PDT

Penelope Cruz Hot

The Menstrual Cycle

2009-10-19T12:05:00.000-07:00

Menstruation is the monthly shedding of the lining of a women’s uterus (more commonly known as the womb). Menstruation is also known by the terms menses, menstrual period, or period. The menstrual blood—which is partly blood and partly tissue from the inside of the uterus—flows from the uterus through the cervix and out of the body through the vagina.

What is a normal menstrual cycle?

The menstrual cycle is a term used to describe the sequence of events that occur within a women’s body as it prepares for the possibility of pregnancy each month. A menstrual cycle is considered to begin on the first day of a period. The average cycle is 28 days long; however, a cycle can range in length from 21 days to about 35 days.

The steps in the menstrual cycle are triggered by the rise and fall of certain chemicals in the body called hormones. The pituitary gland in the brain and the ovaries in the female reproductive tract manufacture and release certain hormones at certain times during the menstrual cycle that cause the organs of the reproductive tract to respond in certain ways. The specific events that occur during the menstrual cycle can be described as follows:

The menses phase —this phase, which typically lasts from day 1 to day 5, is the time when the lining of the uterus is actually shed out through the vagina if pregnancy has not occurred. Most women bleed for 3 to 5 days, but a period lasting only 2 days to as many as 7 days is still considered normal.
The follicular phase —this phase typically takes place from days 6 to 14. During this time, the level of the hormone estrogen rises, which causes the lining of the uterus (called the endometrium) to grow and thicken. In addition, another hormone—follicle-stimulating hormone—causes follicles in the ovaries to grow. During days 10 to 14, only one of the developing follicles will form a fully mature egg (ovum).
Ovulation —this phase occurs roughly at about day 14 in a 28-day menstrual cycle. A sudden increase in another hormone—luteinizing hormone—causes the ovary to release its egg. This event is called ovulation.
The luteal phase —this phase lasts from about day 15 to day 28. After the egg is released from the ovary it begins to travel through the fallopian tubes to the uterus. The level of the hormone progesterone rises to help prepare the uterine lining for pregnancy. If the egg becomes fertilized by a sperm and attaches itself to the uterine wall, the woman becomes pregnant. If pregnancy does not occur, estrogen and progesterone levels drop and the thickened lining of the uterus is shed during the menstrual period.

At what age does menstruation typically begin?

Girls start menstruating at the average age of 12. However, girls can begin menstruating as early as 8 years of age or as late as 16 years of age. Women stop menstruating at menopause, which occurs at about the age of 50. At menopause, a woman stops producing eggs (stops ovulating) and can no longer become pregnant, the body stops preparing the uterus for a possibly pregnancy, and the monthly menses stops.

What are some of the symptoms of a normal menstruation?

Moodiness
Trouble sleeping
Food cravings
Development of cramps
Bloating
Tenderness in the breasts

What symptoms may indicate a need to contact my doctor about my period?

Contact your doctor or health care provider if:

You have not started menstruating by the age of 16
Your period stops suddenly
You are bleeding for more days than usual
You are bleeding more heavily than usual
You have severe pain during your period
You have bleeding between periods that is more than just a few drops
You suddenly feel sick after using tampons
You think you might be pregnant—for example, you have had sex and your period is at least five days late
Your period has not returned within six weeks after stopping birth control pills and you know you are not pregnant
You have any questions or concerns about your period or possible pregnancy

Women Secrets Revealed

2009-10-11T19:17:00.001-07:00

Women Secrets Revealed

Posted: 11 Oct 2009 09:23 AM PDT

Do you think you know women? Think again and read this
http://womensecretsrevealed.blogspot.com

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Women Secrets Revealed

2009-10-11T09:23:00.000-07:00

Do you think you know women? Think again and read this
http://womensecretsrevealed.blogspot.com

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The Love Museum

2009-10-10T21:04:00.001-07:00

The Love Museum

War Jokes

Posted: 10 Oct 2009 12:35 PM PDT

War does not determine who is right but who is right

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War Jokes

2009-10-10T19:15:00.001-07:00

War Jokes

Posted: 10 Oct 2009 12:35 PM PDT

War does not determine who is right but who is right

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Video za Kutombana

2009-10-07T19:09:00.001-07:00

Video za Kutombana

Posted: 07 Oct 2009 10:18 AM PDT

Angalia video za kutombana hapa
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The Love Museum

2009-09-30T21:06:00.001-07:00

The Love Museum

Success Quotes III
Success Quotes II
Success Quotes I
Humorous Quotes on Love-Relationships

Success Quotes III

Posted: 30 Sep 2009 03:29 AM PDT

"There is only one success--to be able to spend your life in your own
way." - Christopher Morley

"Success is focusing the full power of all you are on what you have a
burning desire to achieve." - Wilfred Peterson

"Success comes in cans; failure in can'ts" - Unknown Author

"The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack
of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack in will." -
Vince Lombardi

"Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is the
doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a
personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming
all that we can be." - Zig Ziglar

"The road to success is always under construction" Lily Tomlin

"Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation,
perspiration and inspiration." - Evan Esar

"For true success ask yourself these four questions: Why? Why not? Why
not me? Why not now?" - James Allen
--
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Success Quotes II

Posted: 30 Sep 2009 03:28 AM PDT

"Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect.
There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect
conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you
will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more
self-confident and more and more successful." - Mark Victor Hansen

"Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition
you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained
the struggle against overwhelming odds." - Orison Swett Marden

"Keep steadily before you the fact that all true success depends at
last upon yourself." - Theodore T. Hunger

"You are the embodiment of the information you choose to accept and
act upon. To change your circumstances you need to change your
thinking and subsequent actions." - Adlin Sinclair

"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a
captive of the environment in which you first find yourself." - Mark
Caine

"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." -
Robert Collier

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.
If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." - Herman Cain

"The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief
in a thing makes it happen." - Frank Loyd Wright

"You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play
better than anyone else." - Albert Einstein

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Success Quotes I

Posted: 30 Sep 2009 03:27 AM PDT

Success Quotes

Success has different connotations for different people. While for
some it may mean making lots of money, to others it could mean
achieving one's goals in life, and for still others, it is about
fulfilling one's potential. No matter how one may define success, one
of the best ways to keep oneself on track is reading the success
quotes written by some of the best thinkers and successful people in
the world. Given below are some of the most profound success quotes,
which can keep one motivated to strive to achieve it.

"Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream
of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part
of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea
alone. This is the way to success, that is the way great spiritual
giants are produced." - Swami Vivekananda

"Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you
know you can lose." - Tom Crause

"The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure." Sven Goran Eriksson

"Success is simple. Do what's right, the right way, at the right
time." - Arnold H. Glasgow

"They can because they think they can." - Virgil

"Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to
become the person you believe you were meant to be." - George Sheehan

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from
achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong
mental attitude." - Thomas Jefferson
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Humorous Quotes on Love-Relationships

Posted: 30 Sep 2009 03:22 AM PDT

Humorous Quotes on Love/Relationships:

"Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love."
- Albert Einstein

"I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That
must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste." - David Bissonette

"What the world really needs is more love and less paper work." - Pearl Bailey

"You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its
accessories." - Melanie Clark

"Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to
his success." - Jim Backus

"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist.
Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two
plumbers, and a bartender." - Rodney Dangerfield

"I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go
swimming." - Jimmy Carter
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Hot Girls Explorer

2009-09-30T19:10:00.001-07:00

Hot Girls Explorer

Posted: 30 Sep 2009 06:12 PM PDT

Hot Girls Explorer

Posted: 29 Sep 2009 07:16 PM PDT

Hot Girls Explorer

Posted: 29 Sep 2009 05:41 AM PDT

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The Love Museum

2009-09-29T21:15:00.001-07:00

The Love Museum

Hot Girls Explorer
Hot Girls Explorer
Hot Girls Explorer

Hot Girls Explorer

Posted: 29 Sep 2009 09:08 AM PDT

Hot Girls Explorer

Posted: 29 Sep 2009 05:41 AM PDT

Hot Girls Explorer

Posted: 29 Sep 2009 07:16 AM PDT

Hot Girls Explorer

Posted: 29 Sep 2009 05:40 AM PDT

Hot Girls Explorer

Posted: 29 Sep 2009 05:41 AM PDT

Hot Girls Explorer

2009-09-29T19:13:00.001-07:00

Hot Girls Explorer

Posted: 29 Sep 2009 05:41 AM PDT

Love vs Chemistry

2009-09-29T07:26:00.000-07:00

"I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That
must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste." - David Bissonette

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The Love Museum

2009-09-27T21:08:00.001-07:00

The Love Museum

The Fatal Woman

Posted: 27 Sep 2009 07:56 AM PDT

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The Fatal Woman

2009-09-27T19:04:00.001-07:00

The Fatal Woman

Posted: 27 Sep 2009 07:56 AM PDT

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All About my Vagina

Posted: 27 Sep 2009 04:55 AM PDT

The Love Museum

2009-09-24T21:16:00.001-07:00

The Love Museum

The Fatal Woman

Posted: 24 Sep 2009 02:14 PM PDT

Some hot views

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The Fatal Woman

2009-09-24T19:02:00.001-07:00

The Fatal Woman

Posted: 24 Sep 2009 02:14 PM PDT

Some hot views

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MARRIAGE JOKES

Posted: 23 Sep 2009 09:50 PM PDT

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---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: bangambiki <cmukayoboka@yahoo.com>
Date: Mon, 21 Sep 2009 05:43:05 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: [The Laughington Post] MARRIAGES JOKES
To: bangambiki@igituba.org

MARRIAGES JOKES
http://dailylovetips.blogspot.com/
http://blissfulmarriagesecrets.blogspot.com/
http://thefatalwoman.blogspot.com/

Marines Marriage Math

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his
breath and lipstick on his cheek. "I assume," she snarled, "that there
is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o'clock in the
morning?"

"There is." he replied, "Breakfast."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man had his credit card stolen. He however decided not to report it
because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he
had lost their entire fortune and that they'd have to drastically alter
their life-style.

"If you'll just learn to cook," he said, "we can fire the chef."

"Okay," she said. "And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the
gardener."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man bursts into his house and yells, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just
won the lottery!"

She says, "Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the
mountains?"

He replies, "I don't care ... Just get the hell out!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds "Wife Wanted".

The next day, he received hundreds of replies, all reading the same
thing: "You can have mine."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Daddy," a little boy asked his father. "How much does it cost to get
married?"

"I don't know, son. I'm still paying for it."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "aren't you wearing
your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"

The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why are hurricanes normally named after women?

When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your
house and car with them.

--
Posted By bangambiki to The Laughington Post at 9/21/2009 05:43:00 AM

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The Love Museum

2009-09-22T21:02:00.001-07:00

The Love Museum

Top Blog Search Engines

Posted: 22 Sep 2009 07:07 AM PDT

Top Blog Search Engines

Posted: 21 Sep 2009 09:01 AM PDT

Hot Girls Finder
Boongle
Hot Blog Search
Hot Adult Search
Free Blog Reviews
Alt Answers

Top Blog Search Engines

2009-09-22T19:03:00.001-07:00

Top Blog Search Engines

Posted: 22 Sep 2009 05:24 PM PDT

Top Blog Search Engines

Posted: 21 Sep 2009 07:13 PM PDT

Top Blog Search Engines

Posted: 21 Sep 2009 09:01 AM PDT

Hot Girls Finder
Boongle
Hot Blog Search
Hot Adult Search
Free Blog Reviews
Alt Answers

Silvina Luna-Fatal Woman

Posted: 21 Sep 2009 05:31 AM PDT

Fatal Woman

Silvina Luna

Silvina Luna
Country : Argentina
Height : 160 cm
Measurements : 87-61-91

Silvina Noelia Luna (born June 21, 1980) is an Argentine supermodel and actress born in Rosario, Santa Fe, Argentina.

Born in the city of Rosario, Silvina Luna wanted to study drama and get a job to help her family. After finishing school at the age of 17, she moved to Buenos Aires and worked as secretary and a model. She lived in Miami for a year with a friend. Back in Argentina she entered Big Brother 2 where she became famous as one of the participants.

Now she is in the model agency of Ricardo Piñeiro and has achieved lots of her dreams. She guest-starred in some important TV Shows and loves to work on stage as a comedian.

In a recent interview she revealed that in the future, she will start singing Tango songs.

Source : Wikipedia

The Love Museum

2009-09-21T21:08:00.001-07:00

The Love Museum

Top Blog Search Engines
Top Blog Search Engines
Silvina Luna-Fatal Woman

Top Blog Search Engines

Posted: 21 Sep 2009 09:06 AM PDT

Top Blog Search Engines

Top Blog Search Engines
Silvina Luna-Fatal Woman
The Fatal Woman

Top Blog Search Engines

Posted: 21 Sep 2009 09:01 AM PDT

Hot Girls Finder
Boongle
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Silvina Luna-Fatal Woman

Posted: 21 Sep 2009 05:31 AM PDT

Fatal Woman

Silvina Luna

The Fatal Woman

Posted: 20 Sep 2009 02:54 PM PDT

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Giorgia Palmas

Top Blog Search Engines

Posted: 21 Sep 2009 09:01 AM PDT

Hot Girls Finder
Boongle
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Alt Answers

Silvina Luna-Fatal Woman

Posted: 21 Sep 2009 05:01 AM PDT

Fatal Woman

Silvina Luna

HOT MENS JOKES

2009-09-21T19:23:00.000-07:00

HOT MENS JOKES

HOT MENS JOKES
Top Blog Search Engines
HOT MENS JOKES
LOVE JOKES
MARRIAGES JOKES
MICROSOFT JOKES
MILITARY JOKES
Silvina Luna-Fatal Woman

HOT MENS JOKES

Posted: 21 Sep 2009 06:25 PM PDT

HOT MENS JOKES

HOT MENS JOKES
LOVE JOKES
MARRIAGES JOKES
MICROSOFT JOKES
MILITARY JOKES
The Fatal Woman

HOT MENS JOKES

Posted: 21 Sep 2009 05:51 AM PDT

MEN JOKES

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A man had his credit card stolen. He however decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds "Wife Wanted".

The next day, he received hundreds of replies, all reading the same thing: "You can have mine."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN

Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, carees her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN

Arrive naked ... with beer.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A young man with a wild and multi-coloured hairstyle sits next to an old man on a park bench. The old man stares at the young man.

"What's the matter, old man?" says the young man. "Never done anything crazy in your life?"

The old man replies: "Yeah. When I was in the Navy, I got really drunk one night and had sex with a parrot. I thought you might be my son."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"

The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What does a man consider a seven course meal?

A hot dog and a six pack of beer.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope ... due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So ... what'll it be?"

The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for ... a good mate."

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that fucking map!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs."

The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs,".

And men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full. Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."

All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilise one egg?

They won't stop to ask directions.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10% of the women had sex within the first hour of their first date.
20% of the men had sex in a non-traditional place.
36% of the women favour nudity.
45% of the women prefer dark men with blue eyes.
46% of the women experienced anal sex.
70% of the women prefer sex in the morning.
80% of the men have never experienced homosexual relations.
90% of the women would like to have sex in the forest.
99% of the women have never experienced sex in the office.

Conclusion:

Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.

Moral:

Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Visiting Afghanistan for a second time, a war correspondent noted that since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front. The journalist asked one of the men if this was a sign of growing equality.

"No", the man replied. "Land-mines."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.

The first guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."

The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."

They then asked the woman, "What are you?"

She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man was wandering around in a field, thinking about how good his wife had been to him and how fortunate he was to have her.

He asked God, "Why did you make her so kind-hearted?"
The Lord responded, "So you could love her, my son."
"Why did you make her so good-looking?"
"So you could love her, my son."
"Why did you make her such a good cook?"
"So you could love her, my son."

The man thought about this. Then he said, "I don't mean to seem ungrateful or anything, but ... why did you make her so stupid?"

"So she could love you, my son."

LOVE JOKES

Posted: 21 Sep 2009 05:52 AM PDT

LOVE JOKES

http://dailylovetips.blogspot.com/
http://thefatalwoman.blogspot.com/
http://dailymarriagetips.blogspot.com/

A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they'd have to drastically alter their life-style.

"If you'll just learn to cook," he said, "we can fire the chef."

"Okay," she said. "And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her."

Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a kiss?" So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord, that Was enjoyable."

And the Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that and now I'd like you to caress Eve." And Adam said, "What is a caress'? So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.

Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss." And the Lord said, "You've done well, Adam. And now I want you to make love to Eve." And Adam asked, "What is 'make love' Lord?"' So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds.

And Adam said, "Lord, what is a headache?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely." So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?"

The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two make passionate love and afterwards the women rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy idiot."

The man thought about this. Then he said, "I don't mean to seem ungrateful or anything, but ... why did you make her so stupid?"

"So she could love you, my son."

MARRIAGES JOKES

Posted: 21 Sep 2009 05:43 AM PDT

MARRIAGES JOKES

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Marines Marriage Math

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o'clock in the morning?"

"There is." he replied, "Breakfast."

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A man had his credit card stolen. He however decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

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A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they'd have to drastically alter their life-style.

"If you'll just learn to cook," he said, "we can fire the chef."

"Okay," she said. "And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener."

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A man bursts into his house and yells, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery!"

She says, "Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"

He replies, "I don't care ... Just get the hell out!"

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A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds "Wife Wanted".

The next day, he received hundreds of replies, all reading the same thing: "You can have mine."

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"Daddy," a little boy asked his father. "How much does it cost to get married?"

"I don't know, son. I'm still paying for it."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"

The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

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How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.

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Why are hurricanes normally named after women?

When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

MICROSOFT JOKES

Posted: 21 Sep 2009 05:23 AM PDT

MICROSOFT JOKES

http://thewinningmind.blogspot.com/

Tech Support: "Do you have any windows open right now?"

Customer: "Are you crazy woman, it's twenty below outside ..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They say when you play that Microsoft CD backward you can hear satanic messages ... but that's nothing. If you play it forward it will install Windows.

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No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1. They replicate quickly. ... Okay, Windows does that.

2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so. ... Okay, Windows does that.

3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk. ... Okay, Windows does that too.

4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. ... Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. ... Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus. ... It's a bug.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: "How much do Windows cost?"

Tech Support: "Windows costs about $100."

Customer: "Oh, that's kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?"

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At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):

"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1) For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2) Every time they painted new lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
3) Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4) Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5) Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.
6) Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
7) The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8) New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9) The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10) Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11) GM would also require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
12) Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13) You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

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This is Linux land. In silent nights you can hear the Windows machines rebooting.

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If Windows is the solution, can we please have the problem back?

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Computers are like air conditioners, they stop working properly if you open Windows.

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Macs are for those who don't want to know why their computer works.
Linux is for those who want to know why their computer works.
DOS is for those who want to know why their computer doesn't work.
Windows is for those who don't want to know why their computer doesn't work.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If Windows is the solution, can we please have the problem back?

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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In Computer Heaven:

The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.

In Computer Hell:

The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple of really important executives on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous. At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: "Hey, where am I?". The solitary office worker replies: "You're in an airplane.". The pilot immediately executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the airport's runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers ask the pilot how he did it. "Elementary," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct but absolutely useless; therefore, I knew that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is three minutes away on a course of 87 degrees."

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The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is probably the day they start making vacuum cleaners.

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):

"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

MILITARY JOKES

Posted: 21 Sep 2009 05:19 AM PDT

MILITARY JOKES

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.

1) If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
2) If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
3) If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
4) If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
5) If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone,
"Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."

Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

---------------------------------------------------------

Number of US Guns

How many guns do the US need to combat an enemy?

Two: one to shoot and one to sell him to shoot back.

------------------------------------------------------

A Flat Major

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

The Fatal Woman

Posted: 20 Sep 2009 07:08 PM PDT

The Fatal Woman

Posted: 20 Sep 2009 02:54 PM PDT

For more Fatal Woman visit

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Giorgia Palmas

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Posted: 21 Sep 2009 09:01 AM PDT

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HOT MENS JOKES

Posted: 21 Sep 2009 05:51 AM PDT

MEN JOKES

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A man had his credit card stolen. He however decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds "Wife Wanted".

The next day, he received hundreds of replies, all reading the same thing: "You can have mine."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN

Arrive naked ... with beer.

"What's the matter, old man?" says the young man. "Never done anything crazy in your life?"

The old man replies: "Yeah. When I was in the Navy, I got really drunk one night and had sex with a parrot. I thought you might be my son."

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At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"

The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

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What does a man consider a seven course meal?

A hot dog and a six pack of beer.

The Genie said, "Nope ... due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So ... what'll it be?"

The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that fucking map!"

All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"

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Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilise one egg?

They won't stop to ask directions.

Conclusion:

Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.

Moral:

Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it!

"No", the man replied. "Land-mines."

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Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.

The first guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."

The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."

They then asked the woman, "What are you?"

She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

The man thought about this. Then he said, "I don't mean to seem ungrateful or anything, but ... why did you make her so stupid?"

"So she could love you, my son."

LOVE JOKES

Posted: 21 Sep 2009 05:47 AM PDT